In which Umi quoted dragon age at me and I got silly.
The thing about Tony Stark. Okay. One of the things about Tony Stark is that he’s only a genius when he wants to be. Which is not, apparently, in the middle of an outdoor makeout session on the roof of Stark Tower in November.
“James. I want you to remain calm.”
Bucky looked down, blinked, and looked again. Then he made a noise halfway between a yelp and a growl and scuttled backwards, Tony following him.
“Ow ow owww augh stopit!”
“You’re stuck to my arm!” James yelled.
“Yes, thank you, Sargent Obvious.” Tony replied, his voice still managing to be withering even when muffled by his current predicament.
“But- why did you even lick me?!” Was that even a thing? He’d known some guys in the Army that were into some pretty exhibitionist stuff, but licking as far as he knew was a strictly bedroom activity.
Tony shrugged, as far as he was able to from his hunched-over position. “I wanted to mix it up.”
Bucky groaned and stopped thrashing about. “You’re disgusting!”
“I’m also stuck.” Tony looked up. “I think we should go get Bruce.”
“Oh yeah, the Hulk’s gonna be a real help”
It’s then that Tony got the look. The one that probably proceeded a billion bad decisions, and one that Bucky should really run a mile from- if only it wasn’t so damned attractive.
“No, idiot. He has lasers.”